A Hard Pill to Swallow (Ki Tavo)

During my convalescence from not-Covid over the past weeks, I got hooked on a show.

It’s called New Amsterdam.

It’s based on a book about the oldest public hospital in the U.S., Bellevue, in New York City.

It’s set in the present day.

It’s a little preachy, but the main character is kind of hot.

And the messages are good.

It’s about what medicine could look like in our country—if profit were not the goal.

The main character is a doctor who is also the medical director of the hospital.

He’s a really good guy, but he’s got problems.

He behaves as if he can single-handedly change the state of American medicine.

He’s also got a serious illness, and doesn’t know how and when to let go—and be a patient himself.

He repeatedly refuses to surrender to his own illness while trying singlehandedly to save the world.

He acts as if he just keeps going—and doing—he can fix the system—without slowing down one little bit.

He acts like he’s God.

The show also seems to be competing with Grey’s Anatomy on several levels, but especially when it comes to shocking surprise endings.

(If you’ve seen Grey’s Anatomy, you know what I’m talking about.)

Just when you think things couldn’t possibly get any worse, they do.

It takes your breath away and leaves you with your jaw open.

“No, no, noooooo!!!!!” you cry out.

Much like in this week’s Torah portion.

The curses God promises the people if they don’t follow the commandments once in the Promised Land are beyond most of our imaginations.

Just when you think it couldn’t get any worse…

For instance: nothing will grow in the land, pestilence will rule, people will succumb to all kinds of illness, they’ll be so hungry, they’ll be eating their own children…

(No, no, noooo!!!)

The promise of blessings is equally extreme.

If the people do follow all the commandments, they will be fertile, the land and animals too, all their babies will be healthy, no one will miscarry, and there will be no sickness!

Wow.

“Just” by doing all God tells us to do.

And so much of Jewish spiritual practice is in the doing—the commandments.

As Jews, we are known to be about all about the “law.”

Jews have gotten a lot of backlash because of our laws.

Why can’t we just try to be good people, love God, and pray?

But our laws, our commandments, are spiritual tools to help us connect to a higher power.

—tools put in place to help us surrender to that power, and give up our own will to control.

—to help us remember that we are not God—not even little gods—ourselves.

The High Holy Days are a perfect time to make new commitments—and it can be overwhelming.

There’s always the pressure to do more in the coming year.

—always a sense that, obviously, we haven't done enough.

Because the world is such a mess.

How can we stop? Or even slow down?

There’s so much urgency around it, too—the social and political problems, the climate…

And you would think, from our culture—and Torah—that we are not human beings, but rather human doings.

Plus, isn’t that how most of us behave most of the time?

About our lives, our health, our world?

I don’t know about you, but I find the main character of the show I’ve been watching very relatable.

Because, for instance, I was so proud that my current illness (I’m finally truly on the mend!) didn’t stop me at all from my normal activities.

I kept telling people—and myself—that I wasn’t that sick.

Being sick, and having my work rhythm broken by illness, is always a hard pill for me to swallow.

Until I had to finally surrender, just like that doctor (and all his pills).

With all I do regularly for my health, I most definitely shouldn’t have even gotten sick.

I eat all the right foods, do all the right exercises, take all the home remedies, get the right amount of sleep, swallow all the right pills (and not too many!)—plus I meditate, practice deep breathing, and take cold showers!

(Is anyone giving out gold stars for perfect behavior?)

Hell! I should live forever at this rate.

Maybe I should have singlehandedly gotten us all entry into the Promised Land by now.

But it’s simply not true that if we do everything right, we won’t get sick.

Sometimes shitty things happen despite doing everything right.

It’s a fact of be-ing human.

What if we took a step back and thought more about being, and a little less about doing?

Maybe it’s all the “doing” that got us in trouble in the first place—what gets us sick and our climate?

While thinking about which biblical commandments I might take on for the coming year, I also commit to recognizing myself more as a human be-ing with human limits—

Not a god—-not even a tiny, little one.

This week there’s a Blue Moon, the second full moon in a month.

It’s also a Super Moon, looking much bigger and brighter than usual.

This week is also the Sixth Haftarah (prophetic reading) of Consolation of Isaiah since Tisha B’Av, the commemoration of the destruction of the Temple earlier this summer.

The prophetic readings of consolation lead us right up to Rosh Hashanah.

Isaiah says that one day we will no longer need the light of the moon, or even the light of the sun.

Instead, God will provide all the light we need.

The Super Blue Moon can be a reminder that all the light we need in the world is already provided.

If we don’t take the time to stop and just be, we might miss the opportunity to receive the blessing of the light.

As we continue the work of trying, through all our doings, to bring more light into the world, let’s take time to stop and bathe in the light of the approaching High Holy Days—and just be.

You let us say Amen.