Rock Bottom & Va’yeitzei
God was in this place and I did not know it.
When we encounter Jacob in this week’s parsha, he is on the run.
His mother, Rebecca, has told him to flee Esau’s wrath for having stolen his blessing and his birthright.
Jacob has an actual destination (his uncle Laban’s house).
But he is without direction.
In the wilderness, he lies down to sleep for the night, placing a stone under his head as a pillow, and dreams.
In his dream, there is a ladder standing on the ground with angels ascending and descending, the top reaching all the way to the heavens:
וַֽיַּחֲלֹ֗ם וְהִנֵּ֤ה סֻלָּם֙ מֻצָּ֣ב אַ֔רְצָה וְרֹאשׁ֖וֹ מַגִּ֣יעַ הַשָּׁמָ֑יְמָה וְהִנֵּה֙ מַלְאֲכֵ֣י אֱלֹהִ֔ים עֹלִ֥ים וְיֹרְדִ֖ים בּֽוֹ׃
Va’yakhalom v’hiney sulam mutzav artzah v’rosho magi’ah hashamay’ma v’hiney malakhey elohim olim v’yordim bo.
God stands beside him (וְהִנֵּ֨ה יְהֹוָ֜ה נִצָּ֣ב עָלָיו֮/v’hiney YHVH nitzav alav) and speaks to him in the dream saying, the land you are lying on shall be for you and your ancestors, who will be numerous as the dust of the earth.
And I will protect you and bring you back here.
Jacob awakens and says, Surely God is present in this place and I did not know it.
אָכֵן֙ יֵ֣שׁ יְהֹוָ֔ה בַּמָּק֖וֹם הַזֶּ֑ה וְאָנֹכִ֖י לֹ֥א יָדָֽעְתִּי׃/akheyn yesh YHVH ba’makom hazeh v’anokhi lo yadati
Then, “Shaken, he said, ‘How awesome is this place! This is none other than the abode of God, and that is the gateway to heaven.’” וַיִּירָא֙ וַיֹּאמַ֔ר מַה־נּוֹרָ֖א הַמָּק֣וֹם הַזֶּ֑ה אֵ֣ין זֶ֗ה כִּ֚י אִם־בֵּ֣ית אֱלֹהִ֔ים וְזֶ֖ה שַׁ֥עַר הַשָּׁמָֽיִם׃ (Gen.28:17)
But before Jacob can return to the land promised by God, he goes on a very long journey.
During this time, he is tricked into marriage and a servitude that lasts decades; instead of marrying the one he loves, Rachel, Laban gives him Leah.
Though Torah doesn’t say so, we can imagine that he suffers greatly as he waits to marry Rachel.
Yet Jacob’s love for Rachel gives him the patience to make it through—first seven years, then another seven years (and then another seven after that).
It seems cruel. No one should have to suffer in this way.
In the end, though, in exchange for his hard work shepherding, he is rewarded with great wealth.
The parsha ends with Jacob fleeing again—this time with his wives and children—away from his uncle’s house.
Isn’t it interesting that the parsha begins and ends with Jacob fleeing—and always surrounded by angels?
After finally making peace with Laban on the road, Jacob “went on his way, and angels of God encountered him. When he saw them, Jacob said, ‘this is God’s camp, so he named that place Mahanaim (two camps).’”
וְיַעֲקֹ֖ב הָלַ֣ךְ לְדַרְכּ֑וֹ וַיִּפְגְּעוּ־ב֖וֹ מַלְאֲכֵ֥י אֱלֹהִֽים׃/v’yaakov halakh l’darko, va’yifg’u vo malackei elohim
וַיֹּ֤אמֶר יַעֲקֹב֙ כַּאֲשֶׁ֣ר רָאָ֔ם/va’yomer yaakov ka’asher ra’am
מַחֲנֵ֥ה אֱלֹהִ֖ים זֶ֑ה/makhaney elohim ze
וַיִּקְרָ֛א שֵֽׁם־הַמָּק֥וֹם הַה֖וּא מַֽחֲנָֽיִם/va’yikra shem ha’makom ha’hu makhana’yim
These words are used in our liturgy as part of our “Traveler’s Prayer.”
The camps of God are a multiplicity of the holy, illustrated through God’s angels.
It’s funny that you can be in a place, and not know that it’s holy.
We forget that holiness is all around us.
Even when we are disconnected from it, holiness is there.
The fact is, every place is holy.
The ladder standing firmly on the ground in Jacob’s dream, with its angels coming down to the ground and ascending to the heavens, represents our connection to holiness when we feel like we’re “all the way down here,” and heaven is “all the way up there.”
Rabbi Shefa Gold, in her book, Torah Journeys, says that the ladder is nothing less than the human body; a channel between the Earth and Heaven.
We ourselves are the gateway to heaven.
We are connected even when we don’t realize it, and we can access that holiness, if only we knew it—if only we are aware of it.
God does not “dwell” in any particular place, a “makom,” as in יֵ֣שׁ יְהֹוָ֔ה בַּמָּק֖וֹם הַזֶּ֑ה/yesh YHVH ba’makom haze/God is in this place (Gen.28:16 again); the implication is that holiness is accessible from wherever we are.
Makom/מָּק֖וֹם is even sometimes used as one of the words for God.
Finally, in fleeing, Jacob is running away, not just from a wrathful brother, but from himself. He is turning away, desperately trying to escape a situation he played a part in creating—but he does not change—not yet, anyway.
It seems that he has his “rock bottom,” as they say, which is when we are so desperate, we finally are willing to accept that we are not in charge of our lives, and that we need help. Thus, Jacob’s opening to the Divine is his first step forward.
What he discovers is that, despite being flawed, despite the horrible things he has done to his brother, and despite his (perhaps) state of terror at the unknown, he is not alone. He hears God’s words of promise and comfort, and feels God’s love for him.
Perhaps it is God’s comforting presence and love that gives Jacob the patience to endure.
How often do we run away from ourselves, only to find that—there we are again: same old person in a different place.
The strength and patience to endure in any difficult situation comes from the love of those around us, which itself is holy.
It can also come from the connection to the holy ground under our feet, the earth itself.
If we can stop, close our eyes like Jacob did, open to the holiness under our feet and above our heads, and allow those around us to support us with their love, we can make it through the journey.
God does not promise the journey will be easy. He just promises to be there with Jacob along the way, and to protect him.
May we stop running, and may we all feel accompanied as we walk through the challenging and holy journey called life.
