“We use the excuse of our wounds in order to avoid uncomfortable feelings.”

And “in order not to show up in our lives.”

Thus says Buddhist psychotherapist Bruce Tift.

According to Tami Simon of Sounds True: Insights at the Edge (you can listen here), “Tift is a master at holding two seemingly contradictory experiences:”

On one hand, feeling in touch and connected with the “vast expanse of being,” the infinite, unconditional love, outside of time.

On the other, distancing ourselves from others; we’re dismissive, reactive, we shut down.

We do not show up in the moment, excusing ourselves because we don’t feel safe.

We are afraid of our feelings.

We use our neuroses, says Tift, to avoid feeling scary feelings.

We believe we must heal our traumas first; only then will we be able to “show up.”

This, I would say, is the experience of the Israelites as they receive Revelation in this week’s Parsha.

It’s a very big moment for them: an incredible opportunity, really—yet they fail utterly.

The people have a choice of transcendence, but they remove themselves, asking Moses to speak for them, and to transmit God’s words to them.

Due to their trauma, they are afraid to face God themselves; they do not show up in the moment.

It’s true that what happens is extremely intense; God comes down in a dense cloud, and as fire and thunder and lightning.

Mount Sinai is enveloped completely in smoke, and “the smoke rose like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain trembled violently.”

It’s so intense and frightening that the Israelites’ senses get mixed up. There are many “voices,” which they see. The voices sometimes mean the clap of thunder, or the blast of a horn:

וְכׇל־הָעָם֩ רֹאִ֨ים אֶת־הַקּוֹלֹ֜ת וְאֶת־הַלַּפִּידִ֗ם וְאֵת֙ ק֣וֹל הַשֹּׁפָ֔ר וְאֶת־הָהָ֖ר עָשֵׁ֑ן וַיַּ֤רְא הָעָם֙ וַיָּנֻ֔עוּ וַיַּֽעַמְד֖וּ מֵֽרָחֹֽק׃

(Ex. 20:15)

And they saw the voices and the lightning (torches) and the voice (blast) of the shofar (horn), and the mountain was smoke and the people were afraid, and they staggered and stood far back.

But there seems to be a contradictory message here: on one hand, the people should come near.

On the other, Moses is to warn them in case they “break through to God to see.”

וַיֹּ֤אמֶר יְהֹוָה֙ אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֔ה רֵ֖ד הָעֵ֣ד בָּעָ֑ם פֶּן־יֶהֶרְס֤וּ אֶל־יְהֹוָה֙ לִרְא֔וֹת וְנָפַ֥ל מִמֶּ֖נּוּ רָֽב׃

If they “break through,” many from among them may fall. (19:21)

And this is the moment in which they receive the Ten Commandments—or more properly, the Ten Utterances.

It is also in this moment that they beseech Moses to speak to God for them.

And they remain far away.

It’s true that facing our traumas can be frightening.

But it’s also true that if we wait until our traumas are healed, we may be waiting a lifetime before we begin living.

Or we may never live.

If we are constantly shut down, disconnected, “protecting” ourselves from uncomfortable feelings, then we miss out on life and the love that comes with it.

Yet, this is not to disrespect our pain and fear; there are times when we must necessarily protect ourselves. We may need some time. We may not be ready.

Even God is afraid for the people, as he comes with a warning “not to break through,” for they might become overwhelmed by God’s presence and the revelation they are about to receive.

But as Bruce Tift says, if we allow our pain and our limitations to get in the way of our living, we’re missing out on an opportunity.

Instead, says Tift, we can live our trauma—and the neuroses that come along with it—knowing we will never be fully healed.

We can accept our limitations and the contradictions, and also not allow the fear that we can not take what is set before us to prevent us from living.

We can love ourselves and others in spite of our neuroses, and continue to challenge ourselves with opportunities to connect, despite our fear.

If we take on this challenge, then we are already free, according to Tift—and enlightened.

Because, to take from Shefa Gold in her Torah Journeys:

Don’t we already know, in moments of revelation, that we are all connected, and that hurting another hurts ourselves too?

Don’t we already know there is no need to covet that which belongs to our neighbor; that there’s no need to take something that is not ours, because there is no lacking, as in fact, everything belongs to us all?

Don't we already know in our very beings that there is no need to testify falsely against another, because Truth is right there in front of us, just waiting to be revealed?

Don’t we already know that we don’t need false images, because God’s love is accessible always, continually surrounding us? Because when we experience love and connection with other humans and with nature, isn’t that God?

Don’t we know that, in order to maintain our sanity, we must stop at least one day a week to smell the flowers, or we will wear ourselves to the bone?

Don’t we already know that it’s in the stopping that we can breathe a little—that these Truths are revealed to us in the moments of stopping or slowing down?

Perhaps it takes many voices, the voices of our fellow humans, or the loud thunder claps and fire and smoke, to bring us into awareness.

If we can just show up, then many things will be revealed to us.

And please say Amen.